Before A and I were married, we had to go through a series of meetings with our chaplain so that he could ensure we had a good grasp of both who we were marrying and what marriage meant. Part of our first exercise was to take the Five Love Languages quiz so that we could compare our results. Two-plus years later, we finally got around to reading the book that went with it!
For those who aren’t familiar with the book, the basic concept is that we all have a primary Love Language (Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time or Physical Touch) that when used appropriately makes us feel the most loved. As a couple, we need to be mindful of each other’s love language so that we can make them feel as loved as possible. For the record, my primary love language is Words of Affirmation while A’s is Physical Touch.
I appreciate that Dr. Chapman recognized the unique challenges military couples face, so much so that he wrote a military edition of his Five Love Languages book which A and I read together while on vacation. Well, to be more accurate, I read the entire book and highlighted a few sections for him to read.
Any military spouse will tell you that the military lifestyle makes it really difficult to stay connected. Between long hours, conflicting schedules and deployment, it can be hard to fit in quality time or any sort of physical connection. Luckily, Dr. Chapman took that into account and offered quite a few tips for loving someone in their primary love language even when separated. I felt those tips were very useful and could go a long way to helping couples stay connected during deployment. For example, A’s love language is Physical Touch, but I can’t exactly hug him during deployment. Instead, I can send a care package that smells like me or a t-shirt I’ve slept in for a few days to make him feel close to me.
I would highly recommend military couples read this book, even if you feel like your relationship is strong already. It’s a great reminder to work on loving each other every single day. I’ve definitely noticed a difference in how I interact with A as I keep the Love Language tips in mind. And honestly, I’ve seen him make small changes as well which make me feel all warm and gooey inside. And who doesn’t want that?
Have you read the Five Love Languages or taken the quiz? How do you love your significant other in their love language?