Deployment

Deployment ABCs: Quality Time

September 14, 2016

The Deployment ABCs is a 26-week series where I cover every deployment-related topic, from care packages to homecomings to OPSEC. Tips, tricks and maybe a resource or two to help military spouses navigate their way through the craziness that is a deployment.  If there’s a topic you’d like for me to cover or are interested in adding your own thoughts to, send me an email and we’ll chat! 

If there is one thing being a military spouse has taught me, it’s to make the most of the time I have with my husband. Deployments, training and late nights all cut into the lives of military families, making quality time so vital to strong relationships.

Tips for good quality time

Determine what quality time means to you both.

I hope this isn’t a surprise to you: odds are you and your spouse view quality time very differently. For example, quality time to you may mean lots of talking and interacting.  Quality time to your spouse may be just sitting near each other each evening.

If you don’t come to a conclusion of each of your needs, one of you may end up feeling left out.  Having that conversation will help you find appropriate quality time activities and make sure that you both end up satisfied.

Do something that interests you both.

Once you’ve determined how you both view quality time, you can find something to do! Each couple’s quality time activity will be different, but as long as it works for you, it totally counts!

You may have to compromise on activities, especially if you have very different tastes, but odds are you can find a few activities that you’ll both enjoy.  For example, A really loves hunting and training Ruger to hunt. I do not enjoy those things. But I love nature photography and playing with my camera.  By combining those activities, we get to turn two different interests into quality time together.

Remove distractions and stay focused.

Put your phones away. Turn off the TV. Maybe get a babysitter for your little ones.

Remove the items that distract you from being present and focus on each other. Sometimes it’s not always feasible, but A and I try to go away for a weekend right before he deploys and then again right when he gets home. These weekends give us a chance to reconnect and get in a good place in preparation for our life to change.

Make it happen regularly.

Quality time doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive, but it does need to be regular.  Maybe it’s a weekly (or monthly) date night or an evening walk together. Maybe it’s going to bed earlier and talking instead of playing on your phone.

Whatever you do, you need to do it often.  Fit in as much quality time as you can while your spouse is home! You don’t need to spend every waking moment together, but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the positive impact good quality time will have on your relationship.

How do you and your spouse make sure you get quality time together?

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  • Great tips! My husband and I are on the tail end of a PCS so we haven’t quite figured out our new routine but I agree that it’s so important to make time to really be together. He likes to just sit on the couch and I like to talk so usually we get out a bottle of wine and do a little bit of both 🙂

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