Deployment

Deployment ABCs: Jealousy

July 22, 2016

The Deployment ABCs is a 26-week series where I cover every deployment-related topic, from care packages to homecomings to OPSEC. Tips, tricks and maybe a resource or two to help military spouses navigate their way through the craziness that is a deployment.  If there’s a topic you’d like for me to cover or are interested in adding your own thoughts to, send me an email and we’ll chat! 

Real talk for one second: I get jealous. It’s not something I’m especially proud of, but jealousy is real and it shows up in full force during deployment. I get jealous of couples who don’t have to deal with deployments. I get jealous of couples who have “better” deployments than we do (even though there is no such thing).  I get jealous of the military because A has to put it first so often. Heck, sometimes I get jealous of A because he didn’t have to clean up dog vomit at 3 am.

See what I mean about not being especially proud of it?!

But it happens and it’s normal. So what do you do about it? It’s easy to get sucked into the jealousy vortex, but I’ve worked on something that helps me snap out of it fairly quickly.

Think of 3 things you wouldn’t change about your relationship, write them down and send them to your significant other.

You can consider those last two parts as optional, but I think they’re really beneficial for everyone involved.

By thinking of 3 things you wouldn’t change about your relationship, you’re reminded of all the GOOD stuff that exists between you and your significant other. It can be everything from how loyal they are to what a good support system they offer to the fact that they take out the garbage for you. Big or small, all of these things (and hopefully there are a lot of them) help make your relationship what it is, just like a deployment.

Writing these things down helps solidify them. You can read them again whenever you need a reminder of all that’s good about your relationship.  I like adding my three things to the same list when I do the exercise and read back through them all each time. Talk about a wake up call for all that I should appreciate about my marriage.

Sending them to your significant other serves a few purposes. It gives them a little boost and spot of sunshine in their day. And when you make someone else happy, you feel happy.  It also helps you express gratitude in yet another way. Expressing gratitude for what you have may help you overlook what you lack.

Do you get jealous? Is it worse during a deployment? How do you beat it?

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  • Jen

    My jealousy was really bad during the first 2 years of our marriage, I would get so mad and upset. I learned that most of what I was upset about Kyle couldn’t control and I couldn’t control either.